My Master Cleanse 2013: The Whats, The Whys, The Hows and the What to Expect

I’ve tried to put off writing this mammoth of an entry for until I was at least at halfway point of the detox but today there was a shortage of things to do that required very little physical exertion and not involving my credit card. So, here I am… Hopefully, by end of this entry, I’ll be more open to doing other productive things today.

At the risk of sounding like my father and betraying my profession as a teacher, here is an outline of what I want to write:

  1. What: My Dislaimers and claims
  2. Why: My Motivations for doing the Master Cleanse
  3. How: Some tips for people who are looking to doing the master cleanse
  4. What to expect: A sneak peek at the “first three days” of the detox.

What: My Disclaimers and Claims

Before anything else, let me just make a couple of disclaimers:

  1. I am not a nutritionist.
  2. I am not an expert on the master cleanse.
  3. I am not trying to make anyone else do the master cleanse.

However, I can give you first-hand information on the experience of the cleanse since I have successfully completed it more than 5 times. So, you could say, that while I’m not an expert, I am a proud veteran.

What I have learned, I have gleaned from various sources. When my parents introduced me to the cleanse, I read the book (heres’a  pdf version) by Stanley Burroughs. While it is quite old, it answered some of the important aspects of the cleanse. I would, however, strongly recommend going to themastercleanse.org website if you are interested. Three words: They.Have.Videos.

Why: My Motivations for Doing the Master Cleanse

The lure of my first time around the Master Cleanse was simple: the promise of weight loss. And lose weight I did. However, the reason I’ve kept on doing it –  is due primarily to what I gained during the experience…

The Master Cleanse, for me,  is less about losing weight and more about gaining control over my life and my body.

I live a very stressful life. It is probably a product of my own life choices as opposed to just being a hazard of my profession. The stress is further expounded by my natural “bear”-like predisposition i.e. after a lot of stress, I store fat and then proceed to do nothing. All of this take a heavy toll on my overall well-being – physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. By end of every school year, I look and feel 20 years older (at least).

Doing the cleanse, helps my body to get back to a semblance of balance. My body is leaner, my hormones are less rampant, my cycles (digestive and reproductive) run smoother, my skin is glowing, my mind is clearer and my overall predisposition is refreshed and invigorated.

Ironically, not having to eat, gives me more time to think about food (and other important things). The cleanse reminds me that food should be for nourishment and should not be used as a distraction/excuse from dealing with real life issues and problems.

It has me thinking about myself. I get to evaluate how I have treated myself. Unfortunately, I suffer through bouts of self-hate throughout the year. I tend to IMPLODE first — attacking myself when things get rough.

It has me thinking about what is going on around me. Once my digestive system isn’t protesting anymore, I find myself listening to the soundtrack of “everyday life”, my eye is drawn to snippets of simplicity around me. Besides introspection, I get to do “extro-spection” – about life, about God, about the future, etc.

Of course, it isn’t just a philosophical/psychological/spiritual retreat.

I get to know my body a lot better. Have you ever gone to bed with no food? Its a veritable cacophony of gurgling, rumbling and splashing in there. During the cleanse, you learn to listen to your body. You become intimately in tuned to your energy levels. You find out the times of the day when your hunger starts. Best of all you learn the importance of discipline and preparation.

How: Some Tips for People Who are Looking to Doing the Master Cleanse

If you’re reading this far in, I am assuming that you have done the necessary fact-finding into the subject (and no, I’m not just talking about the recipe to the lemonade), considered the risks and have made the decision to try it out.

No matter how many times I’ve successfully done the master cleanse, preparation is still imperative to success.

  1. Clear your schedule. The first three days is the hardest so make sure that you can hanker down somewhere not having to do much. You are more likely to quit in the first three days. Trust me, I know from personal experience. Steer clear of any major “food events”. Unless you’re a masochist, you wouldn’t want to do that to yourself. 
  2. Write a to-do-list. You will have a lot of time in your hands. You will need something that is not too physically strenuous to pre-occupy your mind with. ESPECIALLY the first three days.
  3. Prep your body. The days leading to the start of your detox, start eating simple foods as opposed to processed (i.e. vegetables, fruits, soups, juices), this will prevent your body from the shock of having to quit solid food cold turkey. Initially, you will experience dizzy spells, hunger headaches and cravings like none other. By getting to know your personal digestive cycle, you can prevent yourself from going “hungry”. For example, I usually prepare my morning lemonade the night before so when I wake up, its ready. But heed my advice, no matter what: keep calm and drink more lemonade.
  4. Prepare for breakdown. Remember that The Master Cleanse is a detox – and not just a physical kind. I’ve experienced some major emotional breakdowns during cleanses. But I have learned to anticipate them, to be open to them and as a result have experienced major breakthroughs. Talk to someone you trust, log on to a forum, write in a journal – GET. IT. OUT. You’ll feel a whole lot better.
  5. Get support. The Master Cleanse Detox is controversial. There will be people who will not be supportive. Some will even try to set you up for failure (so mean!) Having support will help you keep your commitment and give you the reinforcement you need when you are vulnerable.

What To Expect: A Sneak Peek at the First Three Days of my Detox 2013

Note: Every person is different. Every detox is different. My detox experience varies from year to year. This is just a “snippet” version of the first three days of this years’ detox.

Day 1

  • Ate too much last night.
  • Feeling groggy – not a good start.
  • Didn’t drink my first lemonade early enough.
  • Had to go out and walk around Central.
  • Hunger headaches and stomach aches all day
  • Terrible, TERRIBLE, first day.

Day 2

  • Feeling much better today.
  • I lounged around the house, watching TV, reading online, sleeping, etc.
  • I tried to do some weights and do errands for mum – felt more energetic at night.
  • no headache but towards sleeping time, I felt dizzy.
  • Could sleep much. Went to the toilet multiple times. My stomach feels upset.

Day 3

  • Didn’t wake up to hunger.
  • Have to go to Central to buy more maple syrup. After that, I’ll go around and shop some more.
  • Ecstatic to find that I’ve already lost 3 pounds – I usually don’t start losing weight until the 4th of 5th day.
  • My stomach is flat already and my face is slimmer. Feeling pumped!
  • My tongue feels and tastes strange. Its covered in white.

Conclusion

To end, let me reiterate that doing the Master Cleanse is a personal commitment that I have made. A venture that I have gone through at least once every year for the past 5-6 years and hope to – for the rest of my God-given life.

I hope this was informative, reassuring or at least entertaining to read. I’ve managed to use up at least an hour and a half on this – which I am very pleased by because today (Day 4) has been awfully slow.

I have a bit of stuff that I want to do so I am ending here. Perhaps in a few days, I will write about my progress so far and regale you of some terrifying stories of past “hiccups”. Til then!

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